Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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