My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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