I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
