Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I will pee on everything he values.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
