Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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