TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize