There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
