how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
