She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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