This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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