I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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