I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
