Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
