grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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