Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We left the knife in your bed.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
