My room smells like vodka and shame
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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