Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
