Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Randomize
