im having a threesome with these popsicles
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
