and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
