this beer tastes like vomit already
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
