i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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