I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
