I want to make a zoo with you.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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