I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize