yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
