I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize