Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
