then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
