Even the bartender felt bad for me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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