I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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