She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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