My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
