Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
