due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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