So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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