are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
