i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
