Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
