I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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