My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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