im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize