At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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