'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
