so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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