Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
