another moral hangover. fuck.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
