He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
