i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
