so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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