when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
