I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
