Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i came on her dog
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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