I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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