shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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