the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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