you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
