well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
