I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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