I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
