this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
