Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
