It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
