He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
