Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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