I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i was born a porn star she said
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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