you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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