That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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