your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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