we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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