TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
