what day is it and did you see me today?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
