I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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