im about as happy as oj after his trial
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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