All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hate all girls vehemently.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you traded sex for a burrito?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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