you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
