Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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