How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
